Transcript Below:

Lana (00:02):
Hey sisters, today’s episode is a heavy one. We’re going to delve into not only death, but the grief and
trauma that comes with it. So a little bit of a trigger warning for you.
Laura (00:13):
We’re sitting down with Emily Cave, and if you don’t know her story, it is one for the record books. Emily
is the widow of Edmonton Oiler player, Colby Cave, who died unexpectedly in 2020,
Lana (00:27):
Middle of a pandemic, not even being able to be by her husband’s side. This woman is the picture of
resiliency. You would not believe what she’s been through.
Laura (00:35):
Oh, talk about Instagram haters and trolls and the fact that to this day she is being torn apart for moving
on. I mean, people are criticizing the fact of her moving on saying, How dare you say you’re grieving
when you’ve moved on with somebody else and found love again. And Emily’s fight to prove people
wrong and show people that you can grieve and love at the same time.
Lana (01:04):
Yeah, she’s raw and she’s real. And today we are Womaning up with Emily Cave…<intro sting> Emily,
welcome to The Woman Up Podcast. Thank you so much for being here.
Emily Cave (01:27):
Thank you so much for having me. I’m so excited.
Laura (01:30):
Oh, we’re so excited to have you here and to kind of shed light on your story a little bit because quite
frankly, to dive right in, you’ve been to hell and back.
Emily Cave (01:40):
Yeah. That’s…
Laura (01:42):
Probably an understatement, right?
Emily Cave (01:43):
Yeah, for sure.
Lana (01:46):
For those who don’t know Emily’s story, Emily was thrown into the world’s spotlight in 2020 when her
NHL playing husband, Colby Cave was suddenly hospitalized and ended up passing away nine months
after they were married. So it’s a heavy story and it’s really been defining, of course, as it would be. But
take us back to that time.

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Emily Cave (02:09):
Yeah. So it was the beginning of kind of the global pandemic. No one knew what was ahead of us.
Obviously, we had no idea where Covid was going to take us the next few years. And we had just gotten
back to Barry. We were quarantining in my parents’ basement. The hockey season had ended. We didn’t
know if it was about to return or when it would return. And the hockey life, you’re kind of all over the
place. And because we were super young and just married, we didn’t have our own house and we’re
back and forth between the States and Canada that we decided to quarantine in my parents’ basement.
It was there that Colby, we landed on a Thursday and then on the Monday night he started not feeling
well. And Colby being in the NHL epitome of health, under 10% body fat, I just had this gut feeling that
something was not right.
(03:10):
And I actually looked at him and I was, Colby, what if it’s a brain tumor? And he was like, Emily, stop
being so dramatic. It’s not a brain tumor, etc. And of course I was right. So the next morning it was not a
good site, what I woke up to, and he was ambulance to the local hospital and then eventually
helicoptered to Toronto. And because again, the global pandemic and all the rules, I wasn’t allowed to
be in the ambulance. I wasn’t allowed to be in the helicopter. It was all mass couldn’t touch him, etc. I
remember there was one time and they were taking him from the room, the emergency room, to board
him in the ambulance to drive to the helicopter pad to helicopter him. And he was already in an induced
coma. And I just was on top of him and they were trying to pull me off and being like, He’s gotta go.
(04:09):
And that was one of the last times I touched him “alive”. Yeah. So he flew to Toronto, went into
emergency brain surgery where they found a colloid cyst. And a colloid cyst is an extremely rare non-
cancerous brain tumor most likely something that he was born with. And what the doctors said to me is,
I hate using this term, but in their own words, they basically said he was destined to die. He was born
with this, you can’t see on a CAT scan. So they could only see it in an MRI and when they went to into
surgery. But essentially it was yeah, it had just shifted enough. So his brain, actually, it was interesting
because kind of with the public eye and how everything was happening so fast and just being 26, I had
to make public statements a lot for the NHL, to post.
(05:11):
And in one of them it was posted that there was actually a brain bleed. So there’s quite a bit of
confusion still to this day that there was blood in the brain and it was actually never any blood in the
brain. His brain had filled with spinal fluid because the tumor had just shifted a certain amount. So he
got out of surgery and they removed the tumor well but the pressure in his brain and the damage was
essentially too far gone. So I remember sitting in the critical care room, I talked about this at the event,
sitting in the critical care room being 26, just married all alone. They wouldn’t let my parents up with
me. And the team came in. And right away when a team comes in, when it’s a neurosurgeon and critical
care doctor, critical care nurse, a spiritual counselor, I knew it wasn’t good.
(06:07):
And I was sitting there alone and they told me that they had found this colloid cyst and they had
removed it but the changes weren’t looking great. And then the thing that really hit me where I was, just
the whole brain surgery and what was happening and all of that was one issue that I was dealing with
and the worst issue to deal with. But then on the side, I was dealing with other issues. For an example,
they told me we have to address another situation here. And I was like, what could be worse than you
telling me that my 25 year old husband is not going to make it? And if he does, he’s going be in a

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vegetable state, essentially. And they said, We need to address something else. Media and people are
calling, pretending to be you… to get information.
(07:00):
So we need to make him unidentified at Sunnybrook so that when you call, there was only me and one
that Edmonton Oilers, one of the Edmonton Oilers doctor who was working with the Nhl. We were the
only two people that had the password which was Lyme Green. That was, he’s giving information to get
on him. And at that moment I was like, My life is never going to be the same. Yeah, it was an experience,
the worst experience. And I wasn’t allowed to be with him. So we went home that night, I was allowed
to, before I left, they took me in a wheelchair up to his window and I could talk to him through a walkie-
talkie and kind of just beg him to wake up, couldn’t touch him or anything. And then I went home. And
that was on a Tuesday and he passed away Saturday morning. So we had probably two FaceTimes in
there where I could FaceTime him. But when someone’s in a coma, he wasn’t responsive. They say
hearing is the last thing to go. So we had started a bunch of players had started recording messages and
we were putting them on, we were working on putting them on his iPad so that they could put the iPad
in the room so he could listen to Dave Tippett who was the head coach of the Oilers at the time.
Dave Tippett (08:32):
Hey, Caber, it’s tip. Hey, listen, just praying hard for you here, buddy. I know you’re a battler,
unbelievable character player and we look forward to getting you back in Edmonton here. I just want
you to know that Wendy and I are praying hard for you, can’t wait for you to get back. Score another
goal. And you scored that one in Pittsburgh this year. Phenomenal effort. We know you’re a battler.
You’re a Saskatchewan boy. Those guys are the toughest guys around. So we’re praying for you. Look
forward to seeing you again soon at Battle Heart. We love you buddy. Take care.
Emily Cave (09:10):
Bruce Cassidy, who’s the head coach of the Bruins, all of his teammates, all of his family, all of his friends
telling him to wake up.
Bruce Cassidy (09:16):
Hey Colby, it’s Butch checking in on you. I was reminiscing with Dino this morning about a game last year
in Florida. And Bergeron was hurt. So I played you with Marchand and Pastrnak and their coach decided
to play their best line with Barkov against you. So I pulled you aside and talked to you about what a big
challenge was in front of ya and Sure enough, two shifts later. Didn’t you just go out and drill Barkov and
take him right out of the game and you skated back to the bench, looked up at me and said, Hey Butchy,
how’s that for responding? Well, Colby, you have a huge challenge in front of you, probably the biggest
of your life. And we all need you to respond. I know you can do it, you know can do it. And we are all
pulling for you. I love you buddy, and we’ll talk soon.
Emily Cave (10:01):
Sometimes I have the strength to listen to them again and hear the stories that they’re sharing. And
then other times it’s just too difficult.
Laura (10:10):
That must just take you back to a place that is so

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Laura (10:14):
Hard to be in, and yet probably oddly comforting at the same time.
Emily Cave (10:18):
It’s weirdly comforting. I remember there was a bunch of NHL prayer calls during that time, and one of
the Bruns girls had recorded one of the calls and it was the Friday. And they had actually called me and
they said, Hey, we have to put him in a scan. We don’t know if he’s going to make it. Because when they
laid him down, the pressure in his brain was too great that he usually coded. And I was like, Well, if you
have to do the scan, do whatever you have to do. So it was around 11, 11 30 and I was waiting to hear if
he was going to make it. And a few people knew on the NHL call, but it was players all over the world
tuning in and all in different teams. And they’re just praying for him to wake up. And I got a recording of
it after he passed away and you can hear myself on it.
(11:08):
And I’m like, I don’t even recognize myself the way I’m sounding. And I’m just, Please pray. He has to
wake up. He has to wake up, he can’t die. And it, it’s an out of body experience to re-listen to that. But
at the same time, hearing and seeing all these people that were praying for a miracle for him brings
comfort too, even though he didn’t get the miracle. It’s a weird, twisted lots of emotions. But yeah, a lot
of the time I look back and I don’t recognize that girl. And I don’t know how I kind of made it through.
Lana (11:45)
You’re on autopilot really.
Emily (11:50)
But yeah, yeah, <laugh> autopilot and a lot of ativan.
Lana (11:57):
Whatever it takes. So at that point, the media’s become a circus and you are dealing with, explain to us
how you would use the code word lyme green as you are coping with the most devastating news ever.
And having to deal with the mental side of media.
Emily Cave (12:16):
I think it’s taken me a while. I was actually talking to my therapist about this not that long ago, a few
weeks ago. And I think it was such a blessing and a curse at the time. I think it was, I hate to use the
word distraction, but it kind of was a distraction. I knew this was all going on, but I also had to put on a
face for the public statements. I had to put on a face for the media. I had to keep people connected, etc.
So it kind of kept me going a little bit. But then at times I look back and I feel maybe slightly robbed
because I wasn’t really in the moment experiencing things because I had to report it to the world. I
didn’t have that privacy, which again, blessing and a curse. I had people all over the world praying for a
miracle and people all over the world that still support me and that has definitely helped get me here
today. But sometimes looking back, I’m like, Whoa, <laugh>. It was a lot. And I don’t know how I did it

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<laugh>. So yeah, it was a lot of media, a lot of cameras. At one point in time my parents had a drone
over their house after he passed away.
(13:38):
Yeah, it was a lot of people reaching out. I have some pretty hilarious stories of people…
Lana (13:47):
Who’s a funny Oone that reached out that’s hilarious?
Emily Cave (13:48):
Wayne Gretzky.
Lana (13:53):
THE Wayne Gretzky?
Emily Cave (13:54):
<laugh>. Yeah, I remember it was just like that, he’s such an amazing human being. But I remember and
the family so great as well. But I remember during those times, it was kind of what I was talking about
earlier on the Friday we were waiting. So I had the NHL prayer call and that was at 11 and he was going
for a scan at 11:30. And at this point in time, it was like 3:34. And I still hadn’t heard if he made it out of
the scan. And all of us thought he didn’t make it. I remember all of us just waiting for the call and had
been a few hours. And I remember <laugh> Wayne had gotten my number and was calling to give his
support and all of that. And he kept calling me and I kept declining.
Lana 11:45
Did you know it was Wayne?
Emily Cave (14:48):
At this point in time, Yes I did. Cause I was like, he had texted earlier and then so I had his number and
then he kept trying to call and I kept declining his call because I was waiting for this FaceTime to hear if
Colby was alive or not. I remember my parents were just, I think my dad had made it a comment to try
and make everyone laugh, being like, Colby’s going to wake up and Emily, you’re going to be like, I
declined Wayne Gretzky’s call four times for you to see if yeah, he was going to wake up. So that was a
funny, I don’t know if funny is the appropriate word, but just the timing of all that being not now. Right
now, Wayne… <laugh>
Laura (15:30):
Not right now…. Wayne Gretzky, I’m not taking your call right now.
Emily Cave (15:34):
<laugh>. So that one was definitely, yeah, a funny one. I think there is a lot of things I realized about
media. They just take your information, you kind of have no privacy. So I didn’t know it was in People
Magazine, I didn’t know it was on the Today Show. I didn’t know. It just kind of went viral. And I think

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that’s the hardest, it’s a hard thing for me. I think people forget that I’m in the spotlight because of the
worst thing to ever happen. And I think when people see me doing okay or moving forward there’s a lot
of judgment and backlash and using Colby’s death for publicity where I was, I would, none of that.
Laura (16:27):
Well let’s talk about that for a minute. Because you have dealt with haters. The community of haters is
pretty strong out there. And I mean, I follow you, Lana follows you. We’ve seen some of the things that
you’ve had to go through. And so just for those people listening, give them a glimpse at what happens to
your inbox on probably a regular basis. Still that is absolutely not okay.
Emily Cave (16:51):
Yeah, so interesting to me. People can hide so much behind a screen and I think that’s a big thing with
Covid too. I think people got a lot more brave. I mean there was always trolls, but I think everyone’s
sitting at home didn’t bring out the good and a lot of people and some of the things I’ve gotten, even
when he was still in the hospital, I remember I got one that was super crude being, he’s not going to
make it. You’re going to carry him out in a body bag, you’re going to be wiping his butt, cheating on him,
watching Jeopardy. And that’s when I was like, this is insane. And I think when you’re in a state of, there
was just so much going on when he died that I read it but I didn’t take it as personal. Where now I feel as
time has gone on, I think it hits more because I’m out of the shock a little bit and I’m like after all this
time people are still going to be mean. Just a lot of judgment for people have no idea. And I try and
remain so graceful, <laugh>
Lana (18:12):
You do, you do.
Emily Cave (18:14):
But there is sometimes where I want, I think people know some of the story and they don’t know all the
story. And I think especially when maybe some of the trolls are coming from people in your close circle
are really hard to compared to just normal internet trolls.
Lana (18:35):
You’ve had trolls from your close circle? People who are, This is shock. It is shocking to me because you
have such an incredible support system around you. Yeah. Can you elaborate on that a little bit?
Emily Cave (18:46):
I think I wouldn’t actually, Okay. I want to correct myself. I wouldn’t say close circle, but within a circle
that knew Colby and me and I think those ones hurt cause Colby would not be stoked about it.
Lana (19:05):
He’d be shutting that down.
Emily Cave (19:06):
But I think I’ve come to the conclusion the last almost three years, hurt people, hurt people. And that
does not make it right, but it’s something to do within them and it’s nothing to do within me. And it’s
taken me a lot of time to, and I’m still working on it daily to not take things personable. To separate that

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and to separate that is a huge thing. But yeah, internet trolls are, I would rather someone literally I think
come up and kick me in the shins than hide behind a screen and say mean things. Because it’s just such a
mind emotional game.
Laura (19:43):
Keyboard warriors.
Emily Cave (19:43):
But like I said, out of that, that’s 1% out of the people and 99.9% have been so incredible. So I really try
and focus on that for sure.
Laura (19:57):
Well, and do, you’ve created quite, I don’t know if I want to call it a fan base, but it is, it’s a fan base.
People that support and love you from all across the world. And how do you lean on them to support
you? How do they support you now that helps you get through this?
Emily Cave (20:13):
I think my one thing from day one I said to myself in that critical care room is I was going to be
vulnerable and I was going to be like 110% honest. And I think that’s really helped me and I think it’s
really helped other people as well. So when I’m having hard days, I’m super open and honest about it
and I think there’s like, there’s a saying, I don’t know, or maybe I’m making this saying up in my head or
it was the way that I was brought up. But when you help other people, it also helps fill your cup too.
(20:48):
Yeah, it, it’s really, yeah, it’s good for you. So I feel like if I’m having a bad day but I can help one person
with their bad day, then I’ll feel a little bit better. It’ll be worth it in a sense. So yeah, I always try and be
super honest and it’s on those days when it’s bad days and people are messaging and checking in and
strangers from all over the world are sending their love, it’s like, okay, I can do this. And I’m so blessed
to have that community cause I know not everyone has that community. So I’m really grateful for
everyone who’s supported since the day he went into the hospital.
Laura (21:34):
Woman up. It’s more than a podcast or a play on words, it’s for the woman who’s killing it, who’s
showing up as her confident badass self.
Lana (21:42):
And it’s also for the woman going through a hard time, a divorce, grief transformation. However you
define or identify with woman, you’re welcome in the sisterhood.
Laura (21:52):
It’s an opportunity to change the narrative. The Sister Brand’s Trademark Woman Up Apparel is the OG
official merch check back often with new styles being released all the time. So go ahead and grab your
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Lana (22:14):
You’ve said that you were honored that Colby got to spend the rest of his life with you. And when I read
that on your website, I, it hit me a ton of bricks in the face. It was just so poignant. And yet what a
comforting message. What do you hold onto now as you’re stepping away from just being “Colby Cave’s
widow?” What do you hold onto now that keeps you close to him?
Emily Cave (22:43):
Wow, that’s a good question. It’s hard. I think that’s one of the things I struggle with more and more as
time passes. Is it with ptsd… I think a lot of people think of survivor’s guilt and I think that’s a huge thing
that I deal with is as I’m moving forward and trying to honor him but also just being so grateful for the
time that I had with him. I think a big thing I do is the Memorial Fund, working with the Memorial Fund,
working with Colby’s Kids. That’s a way that I keep his legacy alive. That’s a way that I keep our marriage
alive, our relationship. I know it ends when someone goes to heaven, but I really try and honor him that
way. There’s pictures still around the house. I have his jersey hung up. Chester’s like a reminder every
single day. Chester that dog <laugh>, he is, I swear if Colby came back through anything, he came back
through that dog. He reincarnated. He is so awesome. I have a tattoo of his valves on my arm. There’s
not one day, not second that goes by that I’m not thinking if not with you then for you Colb, if not with
you, then for you Colb. And that’s been my motivation.
Laura (24:12):
Here’s a tough question. Did you ever think you’d love again?
Emily Cave (24:17):
This is a tough one. No <laugh> if we’re going to be blatantly honest, No and it took me a, I actually
remember the pivoting moment and it was actually Connor McDavid and Tyler Ennis and they were
playing with the Oilers and Lauren, Connor’s girlfriend was there, Bree Nugent-Hopkins, Ryan Nugent
Hopkins was there as well. And the season had kind of ended and I wasn’t be able to at this point in
time. It had been over a year and the season had ended so I could finally see them again because of
Covid and we were kind of all together and Connor was the one that actually was like, how did he word
it? Well, our hockey family is really me and Colby’s family. So I think a lot of, they’re the people that
knew us best. They’re the people that was with us all the time.
(25:22):
So I think a big thing for me, getting acceptance or getting an okay from hockey people, not that I
needed it, Not that I shouldn’t have need it, it was a huge weight off my chest. And I remember Connor
and Tyler Ennis who didn’t even meet Colby but Connor was like, Hey Emily, when the time is ready for
you or whenever, I want you to know that we approve or we’re okay with that. And he was like, We miss
Caver every single day. But Caver would also want you to love again and Caver would want you to be
loved again. And I just remember it being a flip switch for being extremely open to things. It was getting
the approval that I didn’t know I needed, but someone needed to say it because I carried this and I still
carried it. I still to this day, especially when I get keyboard trolls, there’s that survivor’s guilt.
(26:24):
So I think Connor being the one to come out and say, that was a huge pivoting moment for me. I knew
people that wanted that for me. I knew people thought it, but no one had actually came out and said it.
And I think that was massive for me. Yeah, it took me a while still after that I was still pretty hesitant.
And then Colin came around <laugh> and then everything changed. I remember, I also remember before

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Colin, I was struggling a bit and I remember being like, Cole send me someone because I’m not going to
make it <laugh> like you don’t send me someone. And then Colin came into the picture and the
teammates have been amazing with him too.
(27:19):
Teammates in Seattle Karen because he, Colin was living in Seattle at the time going out to dinner with
us, meeting his family, meeting Colin’s family, Colin coming to Edmonton and meeting Connor and Leon
and Ryan and they’ve just been so good. Obviously my family’s been amazing as well and Colin’s family
has been incredible too. It’s not something easy to step into especially with the public eye <laugh>. And
we hid it for a little bit because I wasn’t ready for the backlash I knew was coming for him and for me. So
yeah, it took a while, but I think it was honestly Connor that… props to Connor because it was the pivot
moment that when you needed to hear, okay, I needed someone to say it and I didn’t know how to ask
for that, nor did I want to ask for that. But someone had to say it. And it still took me a while after that
for sure. But I remember it was a pivoting moment.
Lana (28:31):
But what a powerful lesson for all of us too on the outside looking in and how your words have so much
meaning and can, how much weight you can carry for sure. . Okay, let’s talk about Colin <laugh> <laugh>
and Yes, talks about Colin.
Laura (28:45)
He seems like one hell of a man.
Lana (28:50)
I think so. And also, who is Emily Cave today? Who is Emily now?
Emily Cave (28:56):
Yeah, that’s a huge thing. We actually talked about that. So when we went public, it was interesting,
they still didn’t even use my name. So it was like Colby Cave’s widow is dating Colin boy. And I was like,
oh, here we go. So it’s really establishing or establishing Emily again, I’ll always have Emily Cave and I’ll
always have that part of the story. And that is not, you don’t move on from that. You move forward and
you work with it and it’s integrated into the story. But it was actually something, again, the power of
words. I remember a pivoting moment with Colin’s family and it was his dad and I remember it had
been, we were together for a few months at this point in time and we were with some of his extended
family, so his aunt and his cousins and all of that.
(29:56):
And his aunt was asking about me a little bit, etc. And I said the name Colby. And she kind of looked at
me and she goes, Who’s Colby? And I was like looking at everyone and I had his, his grandma, grandma
beside me and it was Easter and I was like, Do I drop this bomb? I was like, I don’t know how to address
this. And I told the story and she was teary eyed and she was so heartfelt and his grandma grabbed my
hand and they were so supportive of it and obviously his immediate family and other people knew. But
this aunt I had never met yet. And I remember going inside and I looked at Colin’s dad and I think his
brother-in-law and Colin were there too. But I remember looking at this dad being like, I’m so sorry, I
didn’t know what to say.

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(30:43):
And he was like, Do not apologize. He was like, I want it. It was literally life changing when he said this to
me. He was like, I want you to know that when we introduce you or when we say Colin has a new
girlfriend, we just say you’re Emily. He was like, We appreciate what you went through and we respect
what we went through. But you’re not defined by that. It’s not like, Oh you’re Colby’s widow. And when
he just said that to me, he was just like, We, you’re Colin’s girlfriend as Emily and what you do now and
we see you in this chapter. And it’s not that they’re by any means ignoring whatever, but it was just a
validation of not having that hung above me, which has been hung above me for so long. I, I just
remember that being a pivoting moment when Peter said that. Being like, okay, people are starting. I
can be who I want to be and they love me for what I went through, but also who I am now. And that was
like, yeah, I just remember that was a pivoting moment.
Laura (31:50):
Must have been liberating. A sense of freedom from in a way. Right?
Emily Cave (31:54):
Yeah. And then there’s the guilt that comes with it. I don’t want be free it’s…
Laura (31:57):
Yeah, exactly. But now I feel guilty for having freedom.
Emily Cave (32:00):
It’s such a mind game now. But I do remember…Yeah. His family has been so awesome. Colin is
incredible.
Laura (32:10):
I don’t want to say they’re big shoes to fill, but they are big shoes to fill. Yeah. This wasn’t like you’ve
moved on from a relationship that you no longer wanted anymore. This is the loss of the love of your
life. And so that is a difficult position for any man to step into. And he seems, from what we’ve heard
from you, he seems to have done this so gracefully and so respectful.
Laura (32:30):
And one thing that you had shared I think at our wine wellbeing event is you had said that Colin’s words
were, I am so honored that he shared you with me.
Emily Cave (32:42):
Yeah. So he said what was it? I think it was, I still have the text message. I think it’s I’m so grateful I get
to share him with you. And I think that’s so huge and so selfless of Colin to say.
Laura (32:57):
That shows his character.

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Emily Cave (32:58):
Because he knows that a part of me will always be attached to Cole. But for him to step in he has done it
so well. His family has done it so well. But yeah, I remember him. Yeah, I remember when he texted me
that and was just like, I’m so grateful I get to share him with you and realizing that he’s still sharing him
with me even though Colby isn’t on earth, a part of me till my dying day will always have an attachment
to Colby. And I think that was a thing too, is it took me a long time to be able until I felt, I just remember
again having a moment before Colin feeling like Cole would want me. I felt like I was ready. I was like,
Cole knows my heart is so big, he’d want me to try and love again or he would want me to do this.
(33:59):
And despite whoever would message me years before or be like, You need to move on, I wasn’t ready.
So I needed to be ready in order to I think be the person I am today in my relationship with Colin, I say to
Colin all the time, and I say it really to everyone, I’m a better person for losing Cole. I’m a better
girlfriend, I’m a better sister, I’m a better friend because, I think you learn not to sweat the small stuff
and you realize that, I mean Colins’s in Philly right now at school and he was in Seattle kind of all over
the place. But you learn also together. You appreciate. And I knew that a little bit from hockey to
appreciate when you’re together but you appreciate those moments that much more or you make the
most out of those moments that much more. So I always say losing Colby, I’m a better person. I wish I
didn’t have too and I didn’t wish I didn’t have to go through what I went through, but he made me a
better person and he’s still making me a better person. And that’s like, yeah, it’s
Laura (35:13):
The power of loss.
Emily Cave (35:14):
For sure.
Laura (35:17):
What would you say to the woman who’s listening that maybe has just lost the love of her life or
someone close to her who is going through the depths of grief right now and not knowing how to get
out? What would you say to her?
Emily Cave (35:30):
Ooh. I would say a lot of things… I remember wanting a pivoting moment and I’ve talked about those
two from Connor and Colin’s dad. But I remember and an internal pivoting moment, I remember being
like, When am I going be over this? Or what milestone or at the one year mark, am I able to do this? Or
when can I go through his belongings or when can I, And I think accepting that there will never be a
pivotal milestone moment that this will be a hundred percent over. And I guess that can come off
depressing cause it’s, it does get better. But I feel like with grief in today’s society, it’s like someone dies,
have a funeral, you’re off for a little bit, then the meals stop, then you’re supposed to move on. You
can’t be sad, you can’t whatever. Where I think finding comfort in that they’re always still going to be a
part of you.
(36:42):
And it’s okay to be sad until your dying day or have those moments is okay and you do not have to fall in
the society norms of after the funeral you’re “healed.” And that’s just grief. Grief is only a week long or
maybe a month and then you move on. Because that’s not the case at all. Here I am now. I love Colin, I

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love his family. I’m moving forward. But it doesn’t mean I still don’t have days about Colby. And that’s
okay. I think that’s a huge thing is being, it is okay to have both. It’s okay to experience joy, but it’s also
okay to have immense painful grief and that’s part of life. And I think accepting that and I think
appreciating both of those is the best thing you can do. Because I think it also you appreciate… when I’m
having joy with whether it’s just calling or family or friends, it makes me appreciate weirdly my grief
more. And when I’m having grief, it makes me appreciate my joy more.
Laura (37:57):
I think that’s so important too because I think people believe I can’t move on until I’m over this. I can’t
move on until I’m no longer grieving. Because that’s not right. I can’t do both. So I think that’s so
important for people to hear is that you actually can do both at the same time and it’s okay.
Emily Cave (38:14):
It’s totally okay to do both. And I think another thing is do not let anyone tell you how to grieve. I talk to
so many widows that handle things different than I would’ve handled, but I don’t judge them and they
don’t judge me. I think it’s like there’s such a stigma around grief and I really don’t understand that
because everyone goes through grief. But if you want to, you do whatever you do to survive. And that is
healthy <laugh> and that is reasonable and rational. But you don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve
because they don’t also know your relationship with the person that passed away. So if you want to sit
on your couch and eat a box of ice cream, go right ahead. If you want to go run a marathon, go right
ahead. If you want to just do what you have to do and don’t let anyone tell you how you should process
things.
(39:12):
Yeah. Because I feel like there’s always this logic and it kind of for me in my sense to help me grieve, I
was super vocal and I wrote about it and I blogged about it and I was very open and that’s how it helped
me and still continues to help me. And I remember people judging me about it and thinking on the
physical aspect. So grief is very mental and emotional and you can’t see someone grieving, you can’t see
the physical impacts of grief as much, I think compared to someone that was physically sick. So say
someone is diabetic and then you’re judging them for taking insulin, for helping them continue their life.
But for grieving, if you’re judging someone for writing to help them continue their life, it’s jut the judging
of the stigma and mental emotions that no one can see that is not okay. And that society needs to work
on changing. For sure.
Lana (40:14):
Well, writing has been so therapeutic for you and whether, I mean, yes there’s going to be haters and
trolls and people who are going to judge that. You’ve been so open about it, but it has been a sense of
therapy for you and that kind of is leading into where you’re going now and you got some big things on
the horizon.
Emily Cave (40:32):
So I think me and Colb’s story, there is not a lot like it, just all the different levels, the media how he died
when he died, young widow hood, the public eye. So I had a few people reach out to me regarding
books. I had someone reach out to me regarding a movie over the past few years and it just didn’t,
again, sit right with me. And I didn’t want to rush anything but I was always keeping documentation I
had written from day one and then people came forward to me and it was a great fit. So yes, there will

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be a book, <laugh> coming early New Year, which I’m so excited about. I’m excited to, I say in it, I say in
the prologue and I said, so many of you guys only heard of our story since April 7th, 2020. But our story
actually started in 2013, Swift Current in Saskatchewan. And just sharing the whole story and also
sharing the after part of the story, right? So sharing the grief, sharing about Colin, sharing about moving
forward and just essentially the last 10 years of my life, because we started calling or Colby messaged
me for the first time in 2013 and now it’s going to be 2023 when the book comes out. So just the last 10
years and the impact Colby made all my life and continues to make all my life.
Lana (42:13):
What do you hope people take away from it?
Emily Cave (42:17):
Oh, that’s a hard one. I think again just not to judge anyone that’s grieving and that there’s more to
everyone’s story behind the scenes. I also think just to appreciate the little things, to appreciate
relationships. To take the pictures. To take the videos. Yeah, I think I’m so glad I have so many pictures
and videos and memories with Colby. And just a reminder that when everyone asks me what’s my
favorite memory of Colb and I have so many of them, but my favorite memories are the intimate, quiet
moments that no one else saw other than us. So him dancing in the kitchen or movie nights or
whatever. And just a reminder to whoever reads the book to appreciate those moments because one
day they could mean everything to you.
Lana (43:19):
Emily, we’re really excited for your journey and where it’s going.
Emily Cave (43:23):
Thank you. Thank you for always supporting.
Lana (43:27):
We will always be in your corner. Do you have time for a little rapid fire? Yeah. Okay, let’s do it.
Laura (43:33):
Let’s do it. Okay. What’s your biggest pet peeve of any pet peeve?
Emily Cave (43:39):
Oh slow walkers.
Lana (43:44):
<laugh>
Laura (43:46):
I always say you can judge a person how they drive by how they walk.
Emily Cave (43:49):
The slow walk. I’m like the fastest walker Lauren

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Lana (43:53):
Too, oddly.
Laura (43:55):
I am too.
Emily Cave (43:56):
Slow walkers are definitely up there.
Laura (43:58):
Or the ones that stop as they’re in the middle of the aisle.
Emily Cave (44:02):
Yes, yes. That’s up there for sure.
Lana (44:05):
Laura, what’s your pet peeve?
Laura (44:08):
Oh, the sound of people chewing and eating. I can’t do it.
Lana (44:11):
What’s that called?
Laura (44:12):
It’s that meso…
Lana (44:13):
Meso… misophonia. Yeah.
Laura (44:16):
Yeah. I am full blown over here,
Emily Cave (44:19):
<laugh>. I love it.
Lana (44:20):
Okay. What is the best compliment that you’ve ever received, Emily?
Emily Cave (44:25):
Wow.
(44:30):

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Probably my resilience. I feel like I underestimated the word resilient until losing Colb. And I feel like
resilient is underestimated. A lot of people underestimate the word. You can be resilient for falling off
your bike and getting back on your bike again. You can be resilient for breaking an arm and getting back
on your horse after you broke your arm. You can be resilient for going through a horrible breakup and
still trying to love again. You can be resilient for losing your husband and still getting out of bed each
day. I feel like it’s a word that a lot of people underestimate which everyone is every day in big or small
ways. So I would definitely say how resilient I am. That word grew a big meaning to me.
Laura (45:22):
What’s your biggest fear today?
Emily Cave (45:28):
Oh wow. It’s interesting. I’m very flip flop about this. This is a fear, but also makes me be a little bit yolo,
which is why I skydived <laugh>.
Laura (45:43):
I Know, I can’t believe you did that.
Emily Cave (45:43):
Realizing that life is so short and you just don’t know. So if someone became sick again, if Colin became
sick, or that happening again is such a big fear to me. And it actually hit me when I was in Philly. We both
got bronchitis from mold exposure and we ended up in the hospital. And I don’t think I’ve had a panic
attack like that in forever because it was just the fear of someone’s sick again. However, on the flip side
of that, it’s also my constant reminder every single day that you never know and you’re only guaranteed
today, so go jump out of a plane or embrace life. Embrace life, or hold the door for a stranger or
whatever. So it’s like a catch 22 for me. But I would definitely say the fear is that life is so short and I
think now not embracing that and living every day the fullest that I can.
Laura (46:47):
Describe Colin in three words.
Emily Cave (46:51):
I’m going to text his family chat after this and be like, Oh, you guys…
Laura (46:59):
<laugh>.
Emily Cave (47:01):
Extremely good looking
Laura (47:03):
<laugh>. <laugh>. That’s number one too, two three. <laugh>.
Emily Cave (47:08):

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No but he’s super caring and understanding and that’s one thing that I’ve noticed from the first day we
talked. And he’s not jealous. He doesn’t compare the two. Like I said, he understands both Colby’s love
and his love for me too. He can always make me laugh, which is a huge thing I think for me which
reminds me to embrace the moment or live life to the fullest. I’d never been to Europe and we’re like,
Hey, let’s go to France. Just helps me live life. And he’s also incredibly hardworking. He’s doing his MBA
at Wharton, which is the top finance school in the world. Incredibly gifted, incredibly goal driven. And
that’s something that I love about him as well. And his family is…
Laura (48:09):
He’s a good match.
Emily Cave (48:11):
<laugh>. Yeah,
Lana (48:12):
A good match with you. I agree. Yeah.
Laura (48:15):
Alright, last one. What do you want life to look like in five years?
Emily Cave (48:22):
I don’t know. That’s a hard one. I think my big thing is I want to be happy and I want to be living, Yeah, I
want to be living life to the fullest. I want to be helping other people. I want to continue to be Colby’s
world changer, but I also want to be content and finding out who Emily is more outside of just labeled a
widow. Yeah, I want to be just continuing to move forward with grief, continuing to help people. Yeah.
Lana (49:04):
That’s beautiful.
Laura (49:06):
Well, we have no doubt that the future is very bright for Emily Cave.
Emily Cave (49:09):
Well, thank you.
Laura (49:10):
It’s looking very amazing.
Lana (49:11):
Thank you.
Laura (49:12):
Emily. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us and being here. And where can our listeners get
involved with your community?

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Emily Cave (49:21):
I would say the best option is follow on Instagram, so M dot Cave. And then through there, I usually
provide updates through websites or there’s going to be a community established to get a web or to get
updates on the book. So I’d definitely say Instagram.
Lana (49:39):
Instagram. Perfect. We’ll also include some links in our show notes. As always, thank you to our listeners
for listening. Thank you Emily Cave. And thanks to Doug, our pod father at Stories and Strategies for
producing our show. Whoop, shout out to Doug. We are a new podcast. So if you enjoyed this episode
today, please write and review or just share it with one of your girlfriends. That’s the best thing you can
do, Emily. You’re the best. We love you.
Emily Cave (50:06):
Thank you guys.
Lana (50:09):
Thank you Emily, Bye.
Emily Cave (50:10):
Bye.