Sonja Deklerk (00:02):
Okay, well so I’m going to just say this as it is. I am a suicide survivor in every sense of the word. And so
you know what? We are going to get raw and real, and I know that’s what you girls are all about. And so
I appreciate that we can have this space to have this conversation.
Lana (00:27):
Today is a heavy one, Laura, this is a really deep topic to speak about. We’re delving into suicide and
really dark moments with our friend Sonja Deklerk.
Laura (00:40)
If listening today you resonate with anything and feel like you need help and support, we are including
some important links in our show notes today.
Lana (00:50)
Let’s get ready to woman up with Sonja Deklerk. Hello, Sonja.
Sonja Deklerk (01:10):
Hi. It’s so good to be with the two of you today.
Lana (01:13):
We’re so happy. Hello, Sonya. Thanks for being on The Woman Up podcast.
Sonja Deklerk (01:18):
Absolutely. It’s an honor.
Laura (01:20):
Well, this is a big thing for me too because Sonya is one of my nearest dearest and oldest friends, and I
just from the day, Lan and I started this podcast, we said, we need Sonja on this because she has the
ability to transform lives with her story. We’re so excited that you’re here to share it.
Sonja Deklerk (01:39):
Well thank you. You have no idea what that means to me and I value your friendship beyond anything in
this world and the two of you’re just game changers in this world, and I am so excited to see what the
future holds for the two of you.
Laura (01:54):
Oh, hey, thank you so sweet. See, you can just tell her heart right off the bat. Honestly, this woman is
probably one of the largest hearted people I’ve ever met in my life, so I’m excited for everyone to hear
your woman up story because it really is truly a story of woman up and adversity and rising above. So I
guess we just get down into it. Hey Sonja. <affirmative> You are the CEO, owner and lead designer of
Sonya Deklerk Fine Jewelry.

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Sonja Deklerk (02:28):
That’s right. Yeah.
Laura (02:30):
Tell us a little bit about your business.
Sonja Deklerk (02:31):
Okay, well, first of all, I have the privilege of doing what I absolutely love and I am most passionate
about as my job. So it doesn’t feel like a job to me. But I own a bespoke design studio where I design one
of a kind pieces of fine jewelry for one of a kind people. And what really sets me apart is that it’s more
than just jewelry. It’s more than just diamonds and gold. The message that I tell every client that I work
with is that the treasures of this world are not diamonds and gold. The treasures of this world are you
and I. So I get to really work with clients and determine what each piece means to them because I want
it to impact them on a deeper, more emotional level and truly become a treasure to them, not just an
accessory. So I consider myself pretty lucky and pretty blessed.
Lana (03:32):
But it’s not that they’re just getting a piece of jewelry with this beautiful sentiment. You are also, the
way you put it together, Sonja, Sonja is the most amazing artist, and when you receive a piece from her
that is customized to you and your heart, you get this amazing, amazing, almost like portfolio piece with
a customized drawing. It’s like it’s sheer art. I can’t say it any other way.
Laura (04:00):
I know what she does. I don’t think anyone else out there is doing, and it’s just incredible. And that
speaks to your artistic talents too, because you are an artist. I mean, you have murals all over the place
that you’ve painted and artwork and an art gallery, and your jewelry line is completely reminiscent of all
of your talents.
Sonja Deklerk (04:18):
I really appreciate those kind words because I agree with you. I’ve been able to make use of my artistic
background cause my background is in fine arts and I am a visual artist. And then my experience in the
fine jewelry industry and really bring out the fine art element of jewelry design with the scale drawings.
So watercolor renderings and like Lana said, the full presentation, that’s really important to me. The
details are so important.
Lana (04:47):
You say it’s so much nicer and I really hope that <laugh>, I know I <laugh>, she’s always so well put
together.
Laura (04:50)
I really hope that our listeners will go just even to your social media feeds just to see what we’re talking
about here because this is absolutely different than anyone else is doing. You do watercolor renderings
of your jewelry pieces, it’s absolutely amazing. But to get a little bit more into it, your story has not
always been beautiful artwork and pieces and sunshine and rainbow and diamonds and gold.

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Sonja Deklerk (05:19):
That is very true <affirmative>
Sonja Deklerk (05:22):
There have been definite times in my life where I have felt more like the dark, dirty, messy coal aspect
rather than gold and glistening diamonds. So I think that has actually been one of my greatest blessings
and strengths because I have experienced such adversity, it’s given me strength in ways that I otherwise
wives would not have had. And it gives me a greater appreciation for joy and beauty and that allows me
to share it with others in a more authentic way.
Laura (05:55):
Take us back a little bit to, because your struggles and your own mental health journey has really been a
catalyst for creating your fine jewelry line. And so take us back a little bit to how that started and where
that came from.
Sonja Deklerk (06:10):
Okay. Well so I’m going to just say this as it is. I am a suicide survivor in every sense of the word. And
so…we are going to get raw and real, and I know that’s what you girls are all about, and so I appreciate
that we can have this space to have this conversation. But yeah, I lost my dad to suicide. I nearly
survived my own attempt and I had the unfortunate opportunity to witness and be a first responder to a
suicide of a stranger. And so there’s a lot of background in that. Those experiences obviously affect you
in very deep and profound ways. And so I’ve have had quite the journey and quite the road to work
through this, to grow from it, but more importantly, to have it transform me. One of the biggest lessons
I’ve learned through all of this is that finding purpose in pain helps change your mindset and
perspective. And when you discover that pain has the ability to transform you rather than destroy you,
then miracles and growth occur in ways that otherwise wouldn’t.
Laura (07:36):
Tell us a little bit about those dark moments that you went through and how you were feeling, because
I’m sure that so many people that are listening have either been in a similar place or are there now or
are next to someone they care about that’s in a place like that.
Sonja Deklerk (07:51):
Yeah, it definitely is more common than we would think. And I am confident that there is someone
listening who this is going to resonate with. And so I’m going to tell you guys straight up, if you’re
somebody who struggles with self worth then you’re my person, everyone is my person. But I especially
love people who are hurt. And the longer that I am blessed to be on this earth, the deeper the
realization comes to me that everyone hurts and everyone struggles. But it’s not an easy thing to talk
about, especially in our day and age where we have platforms like social media and you always want to
put your best foot forward and you want to have that curated lifestyle. The problem with that is that we
often sit back and we compare our lives to others and we think, well, everybody else has it together.
What’s wrong with me?

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Lana (08:50):
Do you feel like for a long time, I mean you look at you and you are so put together and you were always
smiling and you’re always bright and joyous, but really there that was a facade in some way to hide the
pain. Do you feel like that you resonate with that?
Sonja Deklerk (09:09):
I resonate with that. I would say that earlier on in my life it was definitely more of a facade but I feel that
now as I present myself joyously, it’s authentic. But I only got to that point by tearing down those walls
and sharing my story in its raw fullest form and saying, this is me. This is me in my pain, my sorrow, my
darkness, my struggle. But this is also me in my joy and my peace and my light joy and sorrow walk hand
in hand. And so that’s something that I have become friends with and I accept that. And so I definitely
still have those dark days and I realize that that’s going to be an ongoing battle in my life. And so I make
sure that I am more open and honest about that. And I talk to my close friends, my family. And then if
there’s times on social media where you see me disappear for a while, there’s a reason for that. I don’t
like posting the dark and the ugly. I like to focus more on the joy and the light, but I don’t intentionally
hide it if somebody wants to have a conversation about it, that’s what I live for because conversations
change lives and heal hearts.
Laura (10:43):
Well, and it makes you see that you’re not alone. Right? So many times I think with mental health, you
think that you’re alone. You’re the only one feeling this way. Like you said, you’re seeing these curated
lives and you’re comparing and saying, well, why isn’t mine like that? Why? And it’s just that you’re not
having those conversations with the right people.
Sonja Deklerk (10:59):
That’s right.
Laura (11:01):
I think that’s, like you said, it’s absolutely the most valuable point.
Lana (11:05)
And can I say that, I mean I’ve known Sonja as long as, well, probably as long as you’ve known Laura, but
not at the same level. You guys are close friends, but I’ve seen and witnessed the transformation in you
from afar and it’s beautiful and you really have, you say, like you said, it was a transformation. What do
you think was that key moment where you said, I’m not going to hide behind this anymore. I’m going to
step out and be honest and truthful.
Sonja Deklerk (11:35):
That was a very definitive moment for me. And that was after my failed suicide attempt when I was in
ICU for a week that I don’t have any memory of that week of my life. I started regaining memory when I
was well enough to be transferred to the medicine unit. And then once I had spent a week on the
medicine unit, then I was well enough to be transferred to the psychiatric unit. And so you might not
believe me when I say this was the easy part, ICU medicine unit, psychiatric unit, that was the easy part.
The hard part was being discharged and entering the world again. And I did not feel strong enough. I did

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not feel equipped or prepared to face life again to have some difficult conversations that I knew would
inevitably, inevitably come up. And so I realized right then and there that I was going to have to take
control of dialogue and share my story, or I wouldn’t be strong enough to let others dictate their own
narration of what happened. And so much of what I was feeling was just fear and uncertainty of what
others were saying and thinking about me, the conclusions that they were drawing.
(13:08):
And I know this is irrational, but the anxiety was so strong that I felt like I was marked with a scarlet
letter and everybody knew my experience. That’s obviously not true. That’s a stigma. And so in that
moment, I just made the decision I’m going to share my story and I’m going to put it out there. People
can say or do what they like with that. And it was terrifying. But the beautiful thing was that as I share
my story, I met with compassion and empathy and so many people that say I can relate, and I didn’t feel
comfortable sharing this until you shared. And so those conversations though difficult make such an
impact and truly change lives.
Laura (14:06):
And I think that we can applaud you for that. In so many, there are not enough words to say what
meaning you bring to this new… I’m losing my words because I get a little choked up when it comes to
Sonja’s story.
Lana (14:20)
I’m watching Laura here through the video and it is so gut wrenching to know what you’ve been
through. But it’s so beautiful to see you come through the other side and also just take the veil off
mental health and say, listen, these conversations are real and this is going to be my therapy and my
stepping stones.
Sonja Deklerk (14:47):
Absolutely.
Lana (14:48):
Do you feel like the system in any way let you down? Do you feel like you had the supports from
medicine or family to get through this? Because it is, you said you felt very alone.
Sonja Deklerk (15:03):
Yeah, that’s an interesting conversation. I certainly feel like the system let down my dad, but as for my
own story, I have received incredible help and support from the medical community, from friends and
family. So in my scenario, I don’t feel it was the lack of support. I have an excellent psychiatrist who has
worked with me from the time my second child was born. So I am one of the lucky few that I have had
the proper medical support in place. That being said, it just shows the severity of the illness and you can
compare it to other illnesses where if you’re diagnosed with cancer, you’re going to receive lots of
medical support, you’re going to go through lots of treatment and therapies, but sometimes all the help
and treatment isn’t enough. And so I guess that that would be my thoughts on receiving medical
support. It goes it, it’s dependent case by case. And the unfortunate thing is that I know not everybody
receives the help and treatment they want.

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Laura (16:25):
And so many people don’t reach out. That’s the hard part too. Say it is feeling ill and maybe it’s cancer,
you’re likely to reach out to a doctor for support. Whereas with mental health, so often people feel like
they need to sit in it and the stigma is too great to go ask for help.
Sonja Deklerk (16:42):
Exactly. Or they don’t realize that what they have is a legitimate medical condition and they have that
mentality just grin and bear it like, this is a me problem. I need to be stronger. I need to have a better
attitude. So that stigma hurts so badly.
Lana (17:02):
It’s also so generational too. That’s how we grew up. It’s like, oh it is. You hurt your ankle. Get up and
walk it off. That’s how we grew up is no, you grin and bear it. Yeah, suck it up. Suck it up buttercup and
move forward. Right? And I think it’s just kind of ingrained in our souls a little bit.
Sonja Deklerk (17:20):
It is. And there’s good parts to that. Sometimes that is the case. Sometimes we just need to, this is a bad
day, I’m just going to grin and bear it, get through it. But when it comes to the point where it is day after
day and it is affecting your life, you cannot function. This is now a medical condition and it can become a
life-threatening medical condition. So that’s another… I don’t know if just awareness is an important
aspect of that as well. Some people might not even recognize that they are in a depressed state and that
there is help available.
Lana (18:01):
It’s no accident you found our podcast. Chances are you’re looking for something.
Laura (18:05)
Years ago when we founded the sister brand, we were desperate for honest direction.
Lana (18:08)
We binged podcasts and go down endless rabbit holes. Just trying to find anything, anyone to offer
some aha advice.
Laura (18:12)
Oh boy. We have spent so much time and money on coaching calls that just really told us what we
already knew.
Lana (18:20)
And that’s why now our company, the sister brand helps women find their fire.
Laura (18:30)

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We’ve combined our decades of experience in education, communications, marketing, and business to
connect women with their purpose and design the life they want to live.
Lana (18:40):
Our empowerment call is your one-on-one, Kickstarter, no bs, just the finger on the pulse kind of
direction and advice we wish we had had all those years ago.
Laura (18:50):
No matter where you are in the world, we’ve got your back book, your empowerment call with us and
Woman Up with the sister brand@thesisterbrand.com…What signs would you say to look for in
someone else as a friend, as a relative that maybe should be a little bit of red flags and keep an eye on
this person? Just knowing from your own experience you probably exhibited things and thought you
were giving cries for help that weren’t being heard.
Sonja Deklerk (19:20):
So speaking from personal experience, the things that I look for now and recognize now, I didn’t always
but one of the first things to go for myself is sleep. So if I am sleeping too much or if I’m not sleeping at
all, that’s a big red flag. The second is socialization. Am I withdrawing? Am I canceling engagements with
friends because I don’t feel up to going and then things just countenance. You can, I don’t know. I feel
like because I have been through it myself, I can pick up on subtle things like a person’s countenance. Is
there a light in their eyes or has that light been dimmed and the ability to smile. Can I offer a genuine
smile or is this the facade smile? So those are just a few of the things but everybody’s unique and
everybody’s different.
Laura (20:31):
What would you say to the woman listening that is in the dark moment you’ve been in?
Sonja Deklerk (20:37):
I would say first and foremost that you matter and you are loved and your worth exceeds anything of
the world, of the world. And there’s hope. So if you’re in that moment where you are just lost in the
darkness of despair and pain, recognize that you are loved, then reach out. And that can be to anyone,
your spouse, your partner, a close friend, reach out to someone and have that conversation that it might
be terrifying. It might be really hard to have, but reaching out is kind of the first step. And if you are not
in a position where you can get help for yourself, there likely is someone in your life who is in a position
to help you get the help that you need.
Lana (21:34):
Sonja, looking at where you’ve been, where you are and where you’re going, and I know you live very
much in the present, but what would you say to yourself now having seen what you’ve come through?
Sonja Deklerk (21:49):
Oh, that’s a good question because yeah, I am an entirely different person than I was 20 years ago.

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Lana (21:59):
Yes you are.
Sonja Deklerk (22:00):
And it’s not so much what I would have said to myself. I think I would have just given myself a big hug
and just give space for the moment, give space for the rawness of the pain and this despair and the
darkness.
(22:20):
And I would then say to myself that this is going to be the greatest blessing in my life because oh wow,
this adversity is going to strengthen me in ways that nothing else could. It’s going to give me empathy in
ways that nothing else could. And I’m a firm believer that we experience things in opposite in equal
counterparts. And so I would tell myself though, I wouldn’t believe it at the time, that the depth of my
pain and agony would one day be balanced out with a joy and peace and light that is unlike anything I
could have experienced had I not been through what I had been through.
Laura (23:12):
Exactly. You’ve turned your pain into purpose and you have this amazing business, this amazing jewelry
line. How do you use every single day these skills that you’ve learned to create the pieces and work with
your clients?
Sonja Deklerk (23:36):
That’s one of my favorite parts because a lot of what I do in working with my clients is I’m a listener. And
so it’s very important to me when my clients first come for their design consultation, we do a whole lot
of talking. And it’s not just about diamonds and gold and design. What we really talk about is what
matters most to you? What is the deepest emotion of your heart that we’re trying to capture and
transform into this tangible token of your love and affection. And so it’s important that barriers and
walls are knocked down in our design consultation. Some people have said they felt like it was more
therapy than anything,
(24:22):
And it’s just such a beautiful opportunity to meet with people and to truly see into their life and to truly
see them as they truly are. And once we can establish that, then it makes the design process moving
forward so much easier because they are excited the we’re designing something that has special
meaning to them, whether it’s in the number of stones used or the type of stones used, or maybe we’re
using grandmother’s gold and melting it down. There is always something that is very special in the rings
that we design. And so it’s kind of full circle. It’s taking everything I love.
Laura (25:05):
And I mean, I’ve seen all of your pieces. I’ve seen your engagement rings, your earrings, your pendants,
all of your items, and they’re all absolutely incredible. But I have to tell you, my ultimate most favorite
thing that you do is power rings. Tell us a little bit about power rings.
Lana (25:23):
Can we call them woman up rings? Let’s just change them to woman up rings.

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Sonja Deklerk (25:26):
Yeah, I like that. I like that. Let’s call them woman up rings. That is exactly what it is. Okay, so I’ll give a
little bit of background as to what inspired the power ring woman up ring. And that was back in
February when I opened my own design studio and imposter syndrome is a real thing and self-doubt,
insecurity, feeling like I didn’t measure up. Who am I? What? I just felt so insecure. And so I decided that
I would channel all these emotions. Cause once again I’m a firm believer in equal and opposite
counterparts. So if I could transform the inadequacy, I felt the insecurity and transform it into something
beautiful and confident and something that I could wear that would just make me feel like I’ve got this
no matter what the situation. That was the origin of the power ring. And so I designed mine and I am
biased. I think it’s the most gorgeous ring in the world.
Laura (26:35):
I would agree with you. It’s very beautiful.
Sonja Deklerk (26:36):
It’s gorgeous. But when I put it on, it’s not a pride thing, it’s not a status thing. It is a tool and a reminder
of all that I’ve been through and a reminder and proof that there’s beauty on the other end.
Laura (26:52):
It’s your superwoman ring. You’re super.
Sonja Deklerk (26:55):
My super ring. Woman up ring.
Lana (26:56):
We’ll actually drop a link to that ring.
Sonja Deklerk (26:57):
Every woman needs one.
Laura (26:58):
Yeah. I really hope that people too can think about if that’s something that would inspire them each day
because there’s a lot of value in, that’s like putting on your woman up shirt, right? It’s you put it on. And
all of a sudden you’re empowered and you remember your worth and your strength and it’s invaluable.
Sonja Deklerk (27:16):
Absolutely.
Lana (27:18):
Sonja, what’s next for you?
Sonja Deklerk (27:20):
What’s next for me? There’s so much that I want to do. I am ambitious and I do want to open my own
boutique. Laura and I have talked a little bit about this. We’ve talked about the vision and what that

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would look like. So it’s onwards and upwards from here, but one day at a time. And so I think that’s
important for everybody to have aspirations, hopes and dreams and goals and reach for the stars. One
thing that my dad would always say was like, if you reach for the stars and miss is better than reaching
for nothing and hitting. So for all of you women out there who have dreams and goals, go for it. You’re,
you’re going to be better off than if you just didn’t try. That to me is the saddest story is if you have
those dreams and aspirations, but you don’t try. So just believe in yourself and give it all you’ve got.
Lana (28:25):
Sonja, thank you for being on Woman Up.
Sonja Deklerk (28:28):
You are so welcome. It has been an honor.
Laura (28:31):
Sonja, where can our followers get in touch with you?
Sonja Deklerk (28:34):
You can visit my website, sonjadeklerk.com or follow me on Instagram at More Than Gold by Sonja.
Laura (28:42):
And we hope all of our listeners today if it’s you or someone that is in a dark place that is in need of
some support and can’t find it, please reach out to someone. We are always here for you. Sonja’s here
for you. We’re only a DM away. And we hope everyone takes care and that you can find the light and
the joy just like Sonja has. Love you. Sonya. Thank you again for listening. If you resonated with this
podcast today, please send to a friend, rate and review online. And once again, and always thank you to
our pod father Doug Downs with stories and strategies. Thank you so much, Sonja.
Sonja Deklerk (29:16):
Thanks. Bye.